I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Thursday, July 15, 2010

In times of need...

FRIEND: To me, that is actually a loaded word. A word not to be taken lightly. A word that is so full of meaning and value and standard and trust. I know there are varying degrees of friendship...but there is a standard of pride in being called a friend, and calling someone else a friend. Friendship to me is completely bound by trust. I am one that does not take trust lightly. If I feel betrayed...I shut down. And I will do everything humanly possible within me NEVER to lose the trust of another. I have learned this over time, and through experiences. Through friendships gained, and friendships lost. We are all human and make mistakes...and that is where the second word FORGIVENESS comes in to play. Are you big enough TO forgive another when they have damaged a part of your friendship...and are you big enough to ASK for forgiveness when you have faltered. I have a friend who is like none other. Her name is Danielle. We became friends when we were 5. That was 30 years ago! And we are still bound by a unique friendship. She is the type of friend who is there for you when you need her. Whether it be a visit or a phone call or an email...she is there. We have struggled through many of lifes pains and hurts together. We have grown up together...even though we haven't lived in the same city since we were 9! But our friendship never ended...it just grew to something very unique, very rare and very cherished. When Danielle asks you how you are doing, it isn't just a passing question with worry that the responder might just actually tell her how they are feeling! She genuinely wants to know your heart, and wants to either celebrate, or grieve along side you. She wears no false pretenses. She does not inquire lightly and in passing. She wants to get down in the dirt and mire and help you up when you need it. When I lost Jack and Ethan...she was there. When I became pregnant with Evan and Zac...she was the first to send a card. Actually...since I stayed with her for part of my IVF treatment time before Brett could arrive...so the day of the transfer she had a card for me with congratulations on becoming a mommy again...before we even knew. When I ruptured with Zac...she dropped everything and came and stayed over her spring break and stayed at the hospital with me every day. Encouraging, praying, protecting, and participating in the events that were happening. Thinking of this again brings tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude for such love and faithful loyalty. When Zac passed away, she was here. She came back, helped in whatever way we needed, drove me where I needed to get to as needed (I was not allowed to drive due to my c-section)...but bottom line...she was there. Crying and loving and praying over us. As Evan continued his stay and fight in NICU...I could count on her emails of prayers and encouragement and phone calls when I was around a phone. When Evan came home from the hospital Danielle once more came out to help me in whatever way I needed. Over the past four days, Danielle had been here visiting. We had been having a conversation on the phone one night and I was telling her how overwhelmed I was feeling with the new house and the things that needed to get done, but I just didn't have the time to do it. Guess what...on Sunday, Danielle arrived. On Monday...the biggest task that I needed help with...was done! She and my dad completed a huge job that was looming over our heads. And while I took Tag back to the vet they just did it! I walked in to my house and down to the basement and viola...DONE! The past four days have been very meaningful for me. It has been meaningful to spend time with such a dear friend and have her just pouring out her spirit of giving and helping. Today, now that she is back home...my house seems quiet and a bit lonely. We had a wonderful afternoon yesterday. We went for pedicures and then off for supper. And over supper we spoke of not just the good in our lives, but the aches that we struggle with. We know that this conversation is just fine, because we know we are human and not everything is a bed of roses. And over supper, first I began to weep and then in turn my dear friend. We didn't care who saw, we didn't care what others may have thought. But in that moment, my friend allowed me to share feelings that I haven't been able to share. She allowed me the freedom to let the guard down because I knew I wasn't going to be judged or given answers to things that have no answers. That's the thing I love the most with Danielle. We can be honest, and brutally real and open and not scared that one or the other will say "you just have to keep believing" or whatnot. We know we can just talk and spill our hearts without anyone wanting to fix things that can't be fixed. And it felt so good to be able to sit there and have her ask really heartfelt questions that no one else asks me...and to have her let me weep while at a loss for words to the answers. After dinner, I took Danielle out to the cemetery to see where Zac's resting place is. I have not taken anyone other than family there...and even then it has been with family who were at the burial. But she genuinely wanted to go to the cemetery with me and stand with me while we she let me just have a moment with my son. And you know...that was such a special moment. To have someone by my side and just stand there with me and let me talk...Danielle...you did something rare and unique...and I thank you so very much for allowing me that time with you to share my son with you. Thank you for seeing the beauty in the moment...not something "down" or "depressing". Thank you for letting me put my guard down and take the risk to have you by my side. Thank you for always speaking Zac's name when we talk of when I was pregnant and when I delivered both my living sons. Thank you for remembering him with me. Not just silently...but verbally allowing his name to resonate in my ears from anothers mouth! Like I said...we have a very rare and unique friendship. And I feel so very blessed by this precious, dear, loving girl. You are exactly the person I needed with me these past few days, and the very person I knew would reach a spot inside my soul that needed to be touched. You are a wonderful person, and I am honored to call you FRIEND!!!!
"A friend loves at all times..." Prov 17:17a

5 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that you have such an amazing friend by your side♥ You are never far from my thoughts or prayers hon, things are just totally crazy right now and have been for some time, but I'll write you when I can access a computer without continual drilling in my ears!! Love you very much♥

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  2. Love this. I have a couple of friends who are this dear and special and I am so grateful!!

    Miss you over the next two weeks, but will definitely keep you updated!
    xoxoxo

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