I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Friday, February 15, 2013

A new milestone...

As those who follow know, because Evan and Zac were so premature, Evan was through the list of standard monitoring.
NICU follow ups with our Neonatologist.  Physiotherapy.  Speech Language.  Occupational Therapy.
All of which always found Evan within normal ranges for his corrected, and even often actual age. 
If I lost anyone there, because the boys were born 12 weeks (3 months) early, Evan has, until recently, been tracked by his corrected age.  That being, when Evan was 4 months, he was gauged at 1 month milestone.  6 months at 3 months...you get the idea.  Because birth wise...Evan and Zac should not have been born 12 weeks early...in an ideal world where life is fair.
HOWEVER, since that was not the case, this is how Evan has been tracked.  Making sure he had been meeting his corrected age milestones.
So of course I was always so proud to hear that more often than not he was meeting his actual birth age milestones.
Anyhow, lets move on from the corrected/adjusted/actual age.
Bottom line...Evan always did wonderful, with never issues of great concern. 
Relief for a mom who feared everything that COULD go wrong for my surviving son.
Evan has been finished with physio, OT, speech language (we only ever had two appointments for this as there were never concerns with his speech) for quite some time.  At least a year. 
Though NICU follow ups continued.
I often found myself irritated wondering when they would be done so we could just move forward with life, with the past in the past of NICU.
And so I felt that familiar irritation once again when I received the appointment letter for Evan for last month.
Though during the appointment, our wonderful Dr. Wonko said "well, generally I would track Evan until he turned 5 years, but really, we've never had concerns and he has always been consistent with things, so, this is it!  We are done with the follow ups!"
Even though I felt a sigh of relief...I found myself tearing up. 
Even though I had been irritated with things...I was now feeling sad to let go of our last link of the past. 
And felt like I was saying good bye to a trusted and dear friend who had been with us and watching over our sweet Evan so closely, with such love and true care.
And it was HARD! 
I still find myself tearing up even now as I type this! 
What a feeling to look back and watch how lovingly Evan has been cared for.  How cared for I have been, with ANY concern I may have had.  I knew I wasn't alone, and I knew I had a wonderful doctor watching over this miracle of ours.
And it's hard to say goodbye to someone who holds such intimate parts of our past, and who has journeyed with us, and Evan, these past almost 4 years!
Letting go is never easy.
But these people who have cared endlessly for Evan...they will always be a part of our hearts!
I had fun snapping some pictures with my iphone while Evan and Dr. Wonko were going through Evan's assessment. 
And even more fun with photoshop trying to play around with my favorite picture of the two of them.
Walking out of the hospital that day was...strange.
It was...it.
Looking up to the 3rd floor walkway where NICU is and thinking of every day there. 
Smelling that familiar hospital smell.
Flashbacks to every day we had in that hospital, before the boys were born, after, and up until now.
But this time we were walking out one last time with my precious little boy's hand in mine together through the exit.
Milestones are strange.
Bitter-sweet almost.
But...it is nice to have this milestone with Evan at my side!  Healthy, happy and filling my heart with so so so much joy and love.
I am grateful for this milestone.