Focus

I lose focus easily.  I can admit that.  Not the day to day task focus (although that I call just pure procrastination!), but the focus on WHO is in control of the fine details of my life that I can NOT control.

I get caught up in wanting to be able to "take charge" and "fix things"...when it's just not possible.  I can not control certain aspects of my life.

And when I can't...I feel that all too familiar struggle with anxiety and worry and "what if".  And it STINKS!  I hate that feeling...because it can become paralyzing some times. 

And no matter how much I verbally tell myself "I am not in control, let it go"...I just don't want to I guess.  My head and logic know what I need to do...but my body and my emotions just seem to get the upper hand.

Life can get so complicated.  I know WHO is in control.  I know that God is working out the details.  I know He wants and needs me to just trust Him and LET GO.  But why is it so hard?  Why do I think that I could ever possibly do a better job?!  I really don't think so!

And life without God in control would be HORRIBLE!  I could never do it.  Knowing He is there, and that He loves me with a love like no other...I don't know...even when I'm trying to control situations in my life...I know that it is God that will ultimately sort it out and get us through.

So these past few days the music has been pumping again, and touching me in ways that I need.  The tears have been flowing, and the battle inside of me going strong...but at peace when I listen to these beautiful songs and lyrics...knowing they are more than just words.

I love the CD "Be Lifted High - Live worship from Bethel Church".  A definite recommend!!

The past couple days my daily "mantra" song has been God I Look To You.  So as usual, I am going to type out the lyrics.  HOWEVER...if you go to youtube and search God I Look To You Bethel Church...you can hear the song for yourself.  It is beautiful!

GOD I LOOK TO YOU

God I look to You,

I won't be overwhelmed

Give me vision to see things like You do

God I look to You,

You're where my help comes from

Give me wisdom, You know just what to do

I will love You Lord my strength

I will love You Lord my shield

I will love You Lord my rock

Forever all my days, I will love You God

Hallelujah our God reigns

Hallelujah our God reigns

Hallelujah our God reigns

Forever all my days Hallelujah

I really recommend going to youtube and listening to it!

I have also begun reading and working on the book The Resolution for Women.  If you have or haven't heard of the movie "Courageous"...it's branched from that, and the resolution for men.  This one is for women.   And I've only gotten through the first chapter...and already it is forcing some SERIOUS inward looking.  And that is the point of this "project".  Not pointing fingers at others and accusing their actions for my behaviours, and really facing some tough self evaluations.  In the preface of the book it was recommended to let those around you (especially family)  know what you are doing, as a means to be accountable...and even to do it WITH other women.  I haven't.  Right now I need to really just work through some things...and I truly believe that this book will be a great stepping stone.

I will also be starting to go through the study "Brave" once it arrives.  And hopefully from there I would actually like to get other women involved in it. 

I am realizing that I need that support system.  I need those who will willingly and openly pray for me, and those who will help me stay accountable and encouraged.  As I hope I can do for others too!  I don't want to be just about "my" needs...I want, and have always wanted, to be there for others too. 

So as I journey through this book...I may comment from time to time about what I am learning, and how I am struggling.

So...my focus for today...trusting God's hand in my life...and step by step learning to let go. 

But my "easier" focus for today...allowing laughter and love to overwhelm the worry in my life, so that laughter overflows in to all that I do.  Hmmmm...maybe that's not any easier! :)

Blessings to you all!