I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Thanksgiving Frenzy...

Prepping my first ever Thanksgiving Turkey!! 


Self-explanatory!  More YUMMMM!

My pie frenzy to boot!  Cranberry-Apple, Pumpkin...and for my older brother...Chocolate Cream Pie!

Then, today, my first ever home made Turkey Pot Pie...WITH home made crust!!

Yes, Thanksgiving was busy this year!  I decided to host dinner for my family...and it was so fun!  I did recruite my sister-in-law too who brought some yummy dishes as well!!!  But I did my FIRST EVER turkey...stuffing and all!!  The house smelled glorious...and I was surprisingly organized and had everything well timed...until I realize I still hadn't gotten MYSELF ready!!  

It was fun to be able to give my mom a year off!  Fun to have my house filled with everyone.  And Evan had a RIOT with his cousins!  

I have so very much to be thankful for.  A wonderful, supportive husband...my best friend and rock.  A wonderful home.  Clothing.  A vehicle.  Food to eat.  Family who have walked through not only the best of days, but our darkest days...and love me still!  And precious Evan...a miracle I witness every day!  And the blessing of being able to stay home and raise our son every day!  A true, true blessing indeed!  

Yes...holidays always hold that added sting wishing Zac was beside Evan celebrating in the fun.  Missing Zac, missing Ethan, Jack and Whisper too.  Four settings that will forever be missing from the kitchen table.  Four faces that will never be in family photo albums.  
It's hard not to have the sting of sadness.
Yet...I am still so very thankful for each of those four precious lives.  Whisper, our singleton triplet...who we never even got to see a heart beat...gone far too soon.  Jack and Ethan, our identical twins, and Whisper's siblings...who we were blessed to see their precious heart beats and flutters on our 6 week ultra sound...but then the agony of not seeing them again.  Zac...for the 28 weeks he grew inside me beside his brother.  For all the scans where I got to "see" him.  For all the NST tests where I got to hear his precious hiccups.  For every kick and push and roll inside me.  And then for the brief moments of holding him on my chest, in my arms...while he fought to have some snuggle time with us before reaching for God's hand and entering heavens gates.
Yes...each loss has left a deep scar, and a sadness that has a place inside.  Yet...I am still greatful for those scars.  Because without those scars...there would be no little ones waiting for us in heaven. 
I thank God for the moments I have had with each of our heavenly babes.

And I thank God for the gift of Evan...I wonder, a miracle, a blessing...our pure joy!  My sadness may have its place inside of me...but my love for Evan will never stop pouring over him.  He has changed my life.  He is living proof of a miracle.  My love will never be replaced by the sadness of missing our babies.  
I will NEVER stop being thankful!  I will NEVER stop showering Evan with everything he deserves.  I will NEVER let sadness overshadow my joy.  I will NEVER stop telling Evan how much I love and adore him.  I will NEVER let a day pass without laughing with our son.  I will ALWAYS share Zac with Evan...because they forever share a bond.

I am thankful that because of the gift God gave me through the cross...I WILL be with all my children some day.
I am thankful for the love of a Heavenly Father who has carried me through my greatest sorrow, and helped me find a balance between that sorrow and my intense love for Evan.  For a peace that only He can provide.  For a love that never ends.  

Life carries many sad moments, and we all have scars.  But there will ALWAYS be something we can be thankful for. 

After the busy week last week, and the busy weekend...my body is feeling it.  I can now say that I am thankful that Evan did not actually sleep during his afternoon nap today (but still gave me 45 minutes of down-time making my pot pie!) because it forced me NOT to do my workout...which my body indeed needed a break from.  Tonight...everything hit.  Just before supper I started to feel super run down.  Brett's parents came to enjoy the pot pie with us...so it was a blessing too because they all played with Evan while I snuck off to my bedroom and layed in bed and rested.  
So I am soon off to sleep and hopefully will wake up refreshed and rested.

On that note...I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

1 comment:

  1. I am thankful to have you in my life dear friend! xoxoxox Wendy-loo