At 10:50pm and 10:51pm on March 6, 2009...two looooooooong awaited precious little miracles dramatically entered this world 12 weeks early.
That's you and your brother, buddy.
I can not believe 4 years have gone by.
At bed time daddy asked if you were excited to be 4.
And hearing that made me realize...this was your last night as my 3 year old! And suddenly, tears welled up in my eyes.
So, we snuggled in bed a little longer. We did our letters in the sky a little longer. We laughed a bit louder. We chatted a bit more than usual. And we fell asleep side by side.
And when I woke to come back out to finish getting things tidied, my heart just swelled.
I watched you a bit longer as you slept peacefully.
I went back in time in my mind from your and Zac's quick entry in to this world.
And each day, week, month and year that has followed.
Yes, my heart aches with missing your brother, and wondering. Wondering who he would have been. Wondering about his personality. Wondering how life would have been with the two of you growing together, and celebrating another birthday side by side.
Yet, you fill my heart with such unspeakable joy. I can not even put my feelings in to the right words. You have brought your daddy and I such joy, such healing, such love...and we just cherish every single second we are blessed together with you!
I know your brother, and each of your 4 other siblings in heaven are watching over you, and us. I know they want us all to be happy. I know they are smiling down on us. And that warms my heart as well.
You have grown up so much this past year. It is incredible! Your vocabulary, your speech, your thought process, your personality...your sweet sweet sweet little heart...just keeps growing and exploding.
Listening to you when we are talking together just blows me away. And makes me feel so proud of you, and of the job daddy and I are doing. We want the very best for you. And we want you to be your very best. To love others, to show fairness and compassion. To grow in wisdom and determination. To be surrounded by those who will build you up to be the man God desires for you, and who we desire you to be.
We've had more milestones this year. No more NICU follow ups for you! You are all graduated.
You are almost done Wee College, and your independence and confidence just keep growing!
I enrolled you for Preschool in the fall!!!
AND you are enrolled for soccer!
You LOVE playing Xbox Star Wars Leggo with daddy. And watching the two of you having fun and watching you play this game the way you do...it's bizarre! So much "one of the guys".
You are getting good at writing your name and working on all the letters. You love to use your imagination.
Today when I picked you up from Wee College I watched as you were finishing up with your class. You couldn't see me. And I watched you at your table finishing your craft, then going to your mat before being dismissed. Watching you raise your hand to answer a question. And then when you turned and saw me in the window...the way your face lit up. I don't ever want that to change. I don't ever want you to lose that light in your face!
I just felt my heart swell to the point of exploding. I saw my little wonder, my 2lb little wonder in his isolette, now in preschool. And my heart could barely contain all my emotion.
Every day is a new adventure.
Every day is a treasured gift.
You are a blessing we never thought we would ever know.
And Every. Single. Day...I am so very thankful. So very thankful for the gift of you in my life.
And every single day I thank God for blessing you and your life. For blessing me and daddy with the honour of raising you.
Yesterday I was watching you playing and suddenly I found myself texting daddy and thanking him for all of his hard work so that I have the treasure and honour of being able to stay home and raise you.
I could not stand a minute apart from you. And I feel so blessed in being able to be a part of your daily life, and raising you. It is my greatest joy!
It is 1:26am on the 6th. Your birthday day. And...I can't wait for you to wake up so we can start your birthday day together!! I can't wait to wrap you in a big birthday hug!!!
Tonight we will have a birthday supper with the Grandparents. And on Saturday is your birthday party! You've been so excited about it! Your Angry Bird themed party! And I can't wait to get it ready!
Oh my sweet Evan...you are my heart and soul. And though this day brings a bitter-sweet tug on mommy's heart, I am so looking forward to celebrating you and Zac!
I don't think I will ever be able to truly voice how very much I love you, and how proud I am of you!!
Happy Birthday my boy!!!!!!!!