I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Summer fun...

Wow, I really tend to go in spurts now.  
However, life is changing.  Peoples focus change too.  And to many, this blog was to follow my journey while in the hospital before having Zac and Evan, and then all that came after.
Then in changed to our further attempts with FETs and our further losses, either with a negative result, or miscarriage.

Now that the treatments are all over, and now that life has shifted so drastically from that focus...this blog is changing too.

It will forever remain a place I divulge my struggles with missing Zac and raising a twinless twin, Evan.  It will be my place of talk of our other heavenly babes.  It remains a place where I tenderly admit hopes and dreams of miracles.  It will always be a place where I showcase my precious Evan.

But it is changing.  And so has the following.  And I know to expect that.

So, if anyone still follows along...here is an update for you all ;)

Life has been busy this past year.  

Evan was in preschool and completed that.  I didn't think I would get so teary eyed at his graduation...but tears did roll down my cheeks.  For a few reasons.
I saw my little boy marching in with his class and my mind flipped back to the first time I saw him in NICU.  That tiny 2lb body, so frail, skin hanging on bones...yet already you could see the fight in his spirit.
And on graduation day there he was.  My "just under" 40lb boy...so grown up.  Marching, performing, singing and laughing with his classmates.
The pride in me was overwhelming.  It still is as I sit here getting all misty eyed :)

It was a bitter-sweet day as well, as Evan had twins in his class.  Watching those two boys stand side by side, and watching the bond...my heart couldn't help but ache and go to that "what should have been" place.
My Evan and Zac should be side by side...

All in all it was a really sweet day!  I'm on a new laptop now, so I don't have a lot of my pictures on here yet otherwise I would be adding those as well to this post!  

We have been busy with swimming lessons and gymnastics as well.
Still working on those swimming lessons.  The gymnastics have been a hit!  He loves that!  But who doesn't love running around, tumbling and feeling like you are learning the moves of a Super Hero!  I just love watching his interaction with the other kids and his teacher, and watching his courage and self-confidence grow.  And it is pretty darn good for those coordination skills too!
The swimming has become quite funny.  He is certainly getting more brave and willing to do more.  He is has still been not so fond of putting his whole head in the water.   However, we went to my sister-in-laws sister's home a few weeks ago and she has a swimming pool and diving board.  Well, buy the end of our day Evan couldn't be pried from that diving board!  He LOOOOOOOVES jumping off...over, and over, and over.  By himself.  Of course...with his life jacket on.  So the head in the water thing apparently doesn't apply when he is having so much fun jumping off the diving board!!
It was SO much fun for me to watch!  (man, I really need to put my pictures in order so I can add these things to this!)

We were also away at the lake for a week this month.  Lets just say...my version of camping includes our trailer with a kitchen, microwave, a/c, heat, and bathroom!  YES...now I will camp ANY time!!  
And that is where the above pictures come from.  Brett took some for me of Evan and I.  I realised I am forever BEHIND the camera, so I got Brett to put on his photography skills and take some for me.  And he did a FANTASTIC job!  

We had Nash with us too, and he did great.  His allergies seemed to be a bit more calm...except for the insane reactions to the INSANE mosquitoe bites.  Poor guy!  But he did really good!  It was fun to have him with us!  

Brett drove pulling our trailer, and I drove pulling our boat.  I was a bit nervous at first, but quickly found my comfort and confidence in my pulling ability.  
I wasn't too pumped about driving separately as that is when we seem to work out all our plans and talk our ears off...but we still managed some conversation with walkie talkies!  Evan quite enjoyed chatting with daddy on that too.

That has been our summer for the most part.  Still some to go...and desperately hanging on to every sunny, warm day.  I can't believe how fast it goes!  
Another round of camping ahead of us still, and looking forward to that!  

I've also started with a new (to me) health system called Isagenix.  I've known of the name as I've been on one of their cleanse products before, but I never knew of the whole system and the MANY awesome products and health benefits.  I have always tried to be a healthy person and eat right and exercise...but after I got sick in March my energy level took a MASSIVE blow.  To the point where I could barely function without wanting to cry at every move.  I couldn't even face my beloved workouts any more.  
I started with the system, and I am just floored by the increase in my energy and health.  And my workouts are back in full swing, and muscle tone...YAH!  It's coming back.  Even my forever struggle with my post baby belly (albeit 5 years later) has seen some improvement.  
As someone who has struggled with my own body image since I was a younger girl, but full blown in highschool...I knew I had to be careful.  I didn't want this to become an obsession and a "game" to see how much weight I could lose.  So I've had to be careful with that, and I'm learning how to adapt the system to my life and my personal goals.  But I am thrilled with finding my energy, which my energy level was the whole goal (the inches lost have just been an added bonus!)
Though let me say...I "fell off the wagon" a wee bit at the lake with not being able to get in my daily usual workout, and treated myself a couple times to a few out of the norm snacks...and my oh my...did I ever feel it!  I felt HORRIBLE!!
However, you still have to live and enjoy the odd treat!  Or it just becomes another strict "you can't do that" so set yourself up to fail program.  
Bottom line though...I am really pleased!

I was going to go and get all deep now, but I think I will save that for another day.  I'll just leave this one as an update of general life. 

I have lots rumbling in my mind these days, and new realities of what it means to have your son start to really feel the impact of the twin brother he feels missing at his side.  
If I start that...this post will turn in to a novel.

I am loving my summer.
I am cherishing my moments with Evan and Brett.
I am holding on to these moments of having Evan with me every day...as the reality of kindergarten begins in September (that will be a whole new blogging topic!).

Stay tuned for future posts...I'm not gone.  


  1. Glad to hear from you, and that the summer is going well.

  2. really lovely post to read. get more about ukraine here. Visit About Study MBBS in Ukraine

  3. Nice Post... View Top Five MBA colleges in Delhi NCR, check their eligibility criteria, student intake, international accredition, accredition & affiliation, and more details.View Top MBA Colleges in Delhi

  4. Very nice post to read... Are you looking for a Symphony band in Delhi? Visit Here: Best Symphony Band for Wedding