I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Our final good bye to our sweet Bailey girl.

Sweet Bailey Girl

Our last day together.  Snuggles, love and a whole lot of agonizing tears.
How do you prepare to say good bye to your best friend?

February 25, 2004 - April 15, 2014

How do you say, "ok...it is time".  

I hate that saying.  
I hate having to make that horrid decision.

I hate saying good bye.

My very best friend in the whole world...my dog, Bailey.  And I had to admit it on the DAY BEFORE my birthday..."we can't let her hurt any more".

Bailey had been doing REALLY good once we got her on a pain med after being diagnosed with bone cancer in March.  Really good!
So much so that she would get a spurt of puppy-energy and would race around the back yard.
She never showed pain.  Ever.  
Just love, kisses and her infamous Bailey-affection.
My girl was certainly a lover!

April 13th, she was fine.  Totally fine.
I let her outside.  She went down the deck to the yard.  And when she came up to the patio door, my heart sank.  Actually...it broke to a million pieces.
My sweet girl must have tried to have a spurt of her energy, and she must have slipped on remaining ice in the back yard...and she hurt herself.  She couldn't put ANY pressure on her leg.  THE leg.  The leg with the bone cancer.
I cried.
I knew.
And I cried.

The day before my birthday, it was more than obvious.  And I just could NOT let my best friend hurt any longer.  She still didn't complain, but her leg and chest kept swelling, and she couldn't walk on her leg.  She was panting harder.  And never leaving my side.

That morning Brett and I agreed...it was time.

That afternoon I left Evan with my mom so that I could spend the whole afternoon with Bailey and Nash.  Just soaking in every last sloppy kiss from her, and ever snuggle as she laid on my lap.
Just soaking in every last minute with the friend who saved me.  Who carried me through so many dark days.  Who loved me through my saddest moments.  Who would come searching for me in the house when I would take a moment to have a break down...and would just watch me, and stay loyally by my side until I could gather myself again.

Bailey was such an amazing and unique dog.  She was our family.  She was my girl.  

I feel lost without her.  And there is a hole where she has always been.

It was hard to watch Nash trying to figure out where Bailey was.  He would search for her.  He would be so excited when we would come home, and then lay on his pillow when Bailey wasn't there to follow us inside.

Bailey had a very special place in our hearts.  
As Brett and I left the vet after saying good bye to our girl, I confided that saying good bye to Bailey was like a final good bye to such a trying time in our lives...trying to build our family and through all of our losses.
I was relieved to hear I wasn't the only one feeling that.  I wasn't sounding crazy.

I miss my girl so very much.  
I had hoped for at least the summer with her.
I wanted one more walk in the park with her, one more boat ride (she LOVED boat rides), one more camping trip.

Even though I miss her so very much, I am so very grateful for the loving friend she was to me.  For the way she saved me from many dark days of loss and sadness.  For the way she would keep licking away my tears until I couldn't help but laugh and smile.
I'm grateful for the memories of my boating buddy, and will miss her desperately this summer on our special spot on the boat.  I miss walking with her.  I miss her climbing up to sit on my lap.
I miss seeing her face looking out the window as I drove up to the house.
I miss her calm and loving personality.

I miss my best fur-girl, but am so grateful for every year that we had with her.
We never thought we'd have our 10 years as she went through such a rough start as a puppy.  
I know that she was worth it all.
She was definitely meant for our family.

I love you sweet Bailey girl.  You are forever in my heart!!!!
Thank you for the awesome friend you were to me!!

Many have said that they truly feel that our animals have a special place in heaven.
I want to believe that, because my sweet girl deserves one of the best spots in heaven! 
And maybe one day she will meet me once again! 

RIP my Bailey
February 25, 2004 - April 15, 2014

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