One year ago today...our miracles

This is the first ever picture of Evan and Zac!! This was the day of our transfer...September 4, 2008. One year ago today!! I love you both my boys!!! I miss you oh so much my little Zac!

Even though I already knew I was pregnant (after my blood test) I just HAD to take a pregancy test at the request of one of my friends. And it was so fun to see what one of these tests looked like showing a POSITIVE for once!!! After 8 years of seeing nothing but negatives...this one was a blast!!

This was me right after our IVF transfer, September 4, 2008. Holding our first ever picture of our precious miracle boys!!!!

Well, it was one year ago today when our precious little miracles were transfered back to my womb. We prayed that at least one of these little ones would grab hold of me and continue to grow. After the loss of our first twins, this was a very emotional day and time. Then a few weeks later at our first ultra sound...there they were. Both our little boys grabbed and and continued to grow grow grow.

I was driving this morning to get a coffee, and the rememberance of the day just brought me to tears. I feel so blessed and humbled to have had the opportunity to go through IVF a second time to try once more for our hearts desire. I feel honored that I got to carry the boys as long as I did...even though 28 weeks was just not long enough. Even though Zac is missing from our lives, I am feeling honored that we were given what time we had with him. Angry still that he is not with us...but honored that we had our time together.

Anyhow, just wanted to remember today and share some special pictures. IVF is a gift to those of us who are given no other answers. I'm grateful to God for giving these medical people the knowledge and care to help in such a special area. I know there is controversy with IVF with some people...but to those of us who have no other option...how can you argue what a gift it is! I remember in the heart of our aching for a child and the process of IVF and loss of our first babes, I bumped in to an old school mate at my work place. Upon my answer of "no we don't have any children" I was faced with a comment of "OH, you are one of THOSE!" Never in my life have I felt more devastated by the careless, hurtful comment. Just because people don't have children, it doesn't mean that they aren't going through their own personal hell because of it. Some of us would do anything for a child, and yet we struggle. Not everyone can just sneeze and become pregnant! Some of us have to fight, and some of us will always live with holes in our hearts. I wish there was more sensitivity to the topic, and that the question of children would be one that would be erased.

To my friends who continue to the ache in longing for a child...I ache with with.

To my friends going through the process of treatments for a child...I hope with you.

To my friends now blessed with pregnancy through the gift of treatments...I rejoice with you.

To my friends who have experienced loss of a pregnancy and their child/ren, or the loss of a child...I weep with you.

Blessings to you all.