Family Photos 2010

 Although you don't see him...Zac is part of this picture!  This bear was given in memory of Zac after he passed away by the loving kindness of a mommy who understands the pain of losing a child.

Zac will always have a part of our family photos!  xoxo

We wish you were right beside us in these photos!!

 This picture absolutely makes me smile.  The way the sun is shining through the trees, and the way that the light is falling on Evan, I can't help but picture it being Zac shining down on his brother! 

 Evan loves his piggy-backs!  Sharing a moment with a ride and our piggy-back song!

 The gang.  xoxo

Needing a run break!

So, back by popular demand, we had photos done with WONDERFUL Lisa Landrie!  Check out her blog of other photos as well at www.LisaLandrie.blogspot.com

She ROCKS! 

But Evan definitely gave her a run for her money!  As soon as he saw the camera he went TOTAL GQ!  There was not a smile to be found...except in moments where he thought it wouldn't get captured.

There are many more photos, but for now I'm disciplining myself to post ONLY five...for now!!  I love them all, and there are just so many great ones, but I'm trying to harness it in!  Last year I posted just about all of them!! 

And just like last year...it was still hard for me emotionally.  I was so excited for the day of photos, yet there was this ache so deep in my heart and my stomach.  And even though the smile is big and bright (and REAL!), it took a lot within me not to break in to tears.

I am sad that Zac is not in these pictures.  I am sad that we are not sharing these moments with our son.

Yet, I am touched that I had a special something to include Zac in these photos.  A gift from a fellow baby-loss mommy who creates and donates teddy bears to parents who have lost a child.  She does this in honor of her daughter who passed away.

To be honest...this teddy bear hardly makes it out of the special spot in my closet beside all of what were Zac's belongings.  I am so scared that it will get tattered or ruined.

But it meant the world to me to have a couple of shots with this special bear included.

And really...no one would understand the significance of this bear without me saying.  They would just think it's one of Evan's special bears...and it is...but it is more mine, to hold when I am missing the feeling of Zac in my arms.  You'd think that bear would be sewn to me! 

However, we had a wonderful time.  Evan was tired and grumpy...but he was a good sport.  I love his serious face though!!  We did get a few with some cute grins and smirks, and I'll post a few of those later, but for now I just wanted to share a couple.

It's wierd to watching how time has gone on with us, and watching Evan growing...and reflecting on all that has happened.  It's wierd posting pictures knowing 4 of your 5 children will never be seen by anyone on this earth.  It's hard knowing that people see these pictures and those who don't know our story don't know that Evan is missing his twin brother by his side.

But it is amazing to see how Evan is growing.  How well he is doing.  And the joy and love that I hope is evident on our faces as a family.

And it is a joy to be able to share these with you.