I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Thursday, October 28, 2010


 Smoochies from my babe!
 Learning the value of "sharing"...
 Much to daddy's joy...Evan is a hockey ADDICT!!!
 Bath time!

Yesterday was one of those big days.  Evan had his KCC clinic follow up.  This is where he has been tracked for physio, speech language, OT and sees the Pediatrician.  Now, he has only ever seen the speech pathologist and the pediatrician twice...and OT has been done with for quite a while now.  But physio still checks in on him...although she has absolutely NO concerns about him as he is well meeting all his corrected age (and actual age) milestones!

Anyhow, yesterday Evan saw OT and the pedi, and both just had glowing comments...and no concerns...and no need to see Evan further!!!!  WOW!  This was huge!  They both felt that he is doing amazing, and that other than if I have any concerns in the future, we will not need to see them for further clinics!

As I sat there listening...I got so choked up and teary eyed...yet REFUSED to cry.  But hearing all this positive feed back, and hearing how thrilled they are to see how well he has done ESPECIALLY because the boys were born 12 weeks early...it just really choked me up.
It was a GOOD emotional day. 
Yet, of course there is always that "what if" factor.  What if Zac had survived and was plagued by all the ailments the doctors foresaw...even though we would have worked through each day and each struggle...what would it have been like?
Yet...I would have taken it.
Even though I felt so proud of all Evan has accomplished...there was still that twinge of anger wondering why Zac had to go through what he did...and why he couldn't be getting these great reviews along side his brother.
Why are not BOTH my sons getting all these praises and amazement from their doctor.

But we will never know why.

I truly felt so fortunate and so lucky to be hearing all these wonderful comments from OT and the Pedi.  It is an amazing feeling to hear a doctor say "thank you for coming in today, and for me getting to see how well Evan has done and is doing!"

I am the thankful one. 

We are the lucky ones.

And even though I know it is by God's grace that Evan has done so well...we still get to say "we were a reason for this!  We have been a part of him doing so well.  Our pain, fears, wonders, struggles and questions have been validated."

So yes, yesterday was very emotional.

And it was also another realization that life is moving forward!  This means we are less a few appointments, and more "normal"!
In a way it is hard to let go, because this has been such a part of our lives since Evan came home.  We have had this "comfort" or "safety net" in the support of these professionals.
And they are still there.  We are left as "open" to contact them if we ever have concerns.
But it just feels like chapters are coming to a close, and the future is broadening in to the way I always wondered it would...feeling some what "normal".

We will have another NICU follow up with Evan's neonatologist.  It is supposed to be some time in November.  These appointments are always big for me.  I always feel the nerves rise.  Because these are the people who have watched Evan from day one.  This is a doctor who has been such a part of our security.
And I know this MAY be our last appointment...and I can't help but feel a bit strange...or sad even.

All I've wanted was "normal"...but it turns out that this has been OUR "normal".  It's a strange normal.  It's a different normal.  But it's the normal that we know.

My tiny little boy is growing up.  My tiny fragile baby is a sturdy, active, intelligent boy! 

It's so true.  Time goes so fast.  We always wish for the next "big" event or change in life...yet if we aren't careful...we will miss what is happening now because all you have to do is take a moment and realize how much changes in even just one week! 

I am blessed by today.  I pray to be blessed in my tomorrow.  But I will focus on today and all that it holds for me. 

Yes, a good emotional day!

1 comment:

  1. Praising God for a GOOD emotional day...even though they always have some of those bittersweet tinges....hooray for such wonderful news for sweet Evan!!!