I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Monday, December 27, 2010

Giving back to those who gave so much for our sons...

The last place any parents wants to be is the NICU.  Even though when needed...it is the best place for their little one(s) to be.  And the love and care that child(ren) receive from the amazing doctors, nurses and staff...it's undescribable.

So this year I couldn't think of any thing I'd rather do.  I wanted to do something for those parents in a position that I remember all too clearly.  And I wanted to bring some cheer to them and the doctors, nurses and staff.  To show that their efforts and their love will NEVER EVER be forgotten!

I spent two INSANE days baking like a mad-woman.  Two nights that led to the wee hours of the mornings.  But...it got done.  And boy, did it ever feel good!

Last week Brett, Evan and I packed everything up and headed to the hospital.  I had pre-arranged this with the NICU liason nurse (the most wonderful angel ever!  This woman is amazing!) and we met up and I organized the trays in the parent waiting room and then we took the baking for the dr's/nurses/staff to the staff room.  We also donated two nursing pillows for the NICU, and...I handed over the "graduation wall" photos page that I did of the boys.  Finally.  After almost 2 years of agonizing over that!  And admittedly...I miss seeing it in my house.  HOWEVER...it is where it belongs.

It was GREAT news to hear that the NICU was not that busy.  This is one area where that is a WONDERFUL thing to hear!  We met a couple of parents, and visited with lots of nurses who cared for Evan during his stay.  Some we hadn't seen since Evan was discharged...so the last time they saw him he wasn't even 5lbs...and ever so tiny tiny tiny!
A few got teary-eyed, but mostly jaws dropped with joy and shock by how wonderful Evan is doing, and how tall he is, how active, chatty...a little boy!

When we left...my heart was overflowing.  Later that day the NICU liason called me to let me know that already one of the three trays I brought in was eaten and how much the parents were touched that someone would do that.
I didn't do it for my own well-being.  I didn't do it for recognition. 
I did it because I know how much it would have meant to me.
And I did it because they deserved some holiday cheer.
I did it because I was there, and I understand.
I did it because there was nothing I wanted to do more than to help bring some joy to an otherwise scary time of life.
Some babies were just in there temporarily.  Some will be longer term.  And the reality is that some may not come home.
These parents deserved to know that there are others out here that understand and who are thinking of them, even though we don't have a clue who they are.

And it felt really good to do something to brighten up the dr/nurses/staff day too!!! 

Every Christmas I think about how I want to do something for others.  I don't want gifts for myself (although appreciate the thoughtfulness of my amazing husband!), and I just want to do something for others who Christmas may not be so joyful as everyone thinks the season should be.  We don't all live in a pain-free, joyful season...and that's just reality.  And I just want to be able to touch someones life and let them know that they are loved and cared for...even though I am a complete stranger and will most likely never meet any of these people.
To me, that is what Christmas is about.  Reaching out to those in need.  Remembering those who are hurting.  Giving to those who may not have anyone to receive anything from.  And trying to bring some joy to an otherwise not-so-joyful time of year.

What was the most special part of this was taking everything to the hospital with Brett and Evan.  It hurt missing Zac from this moment...but he was there.  Oh boy, was he ever there.
But it was so special to do this as a family.  To have Evan begin to understand Christmas is more than presents and "me me me, mine mine mine".  It's about doing something for someone else in need.

I am greatful for my family.  My family and inlaws who understand that OUR Christmas hurts as we continue to miss our 4 angels above.  That we miss having Zac's name on a gift beside Evan's.  That we miss our son, and we are not "better".  And they remember with us.  And the ones who speak Zac's name to me, the ones who tell me they remembered and wondered how I was doing...that is more precious than I can say.  This is YOUR way of doing something for someone in need...ME!  And I love you for it!! 
To share with us as we savour every minute and memory with Evan, yet ache for our son and children in heaven.

It feels good to remember it's more than just about us.  It feels good to do something for someone else in need.  So good that I would really like to continue with this for years to come!

Even though Christmas will always hold a sting, it was still a very MERRY CHRISTMAS because of the love of family and friends who have remained by our side.

I would also like to give a special thank you to the aunt of someone I used to work with, who lovingly made all these amazing tiny little knitted hats for the little ones in NICU.
They were so very appreciated!!!!!!
Thank you for doing such a wonderful thing!


  1. Ohhh this post totally made me cry, in a good way! (((hugs)))

  2. I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (You too!!!)


  3. I love that you went and did this! I know they appreciated it!!!