This has been almost 2 years since I have been able to find the strength to finish this project.
When children leave NICU, most parents provide a "graduation" photo, page...something to mark the day. The NICU has walls lined of photos of babies who have overcome the odds...and a wall for precious angels who did not graduate as parents would have hoped. Not on this earth any way.
And I think that's why I struggled so much...because, where did I belong?
Evan graduated from NICU and in to our home and lives. Zac graduated...to heaven.
I couldn't make two separate pages. I couldn't make one for Zac to be placed in the Angels section while Evan was placed in the graduation section. I couldn't separate my boys again. They HAVE to be together.
And although they graduated in different ways...they graduated together. And so I have done their page TOGETHER.
This is the first time I've ever done any sort of "scrap book" page...so it isn't perfect...but it is to me.
And honestly...it is going to be very hard to part with this.
However...my boys belong on that wall.
And so doing this page, I have shed many many joyful, and bitterly painful tears.
Looking back at these photos of those first days of both of my sons. Thinking of every one of those 5 weeks in the hospital before they were born, the night the boys had to be delivered, the days following...and weeks, months and now years.
So many emotions. Two seperate ranges tangled in to one heart.
Yet the following verses will forever ring true...
"I thank my God every time I remember you" Philippians 1:3
"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" Psalm 126:3
Both so true for BOTH our sons! Regardless the outcomes, we are filled with joy. We have been able to love our sons. In Zac's short life, and with Evan every day. I also got to be filled with joy the 28 weeks and 1 day that I carried my sons and felt them growing, kicking, dancing, hiccuping, sleeping...
Yes, I am filled with joy, no matter the pain that is included.
Anyhow, God gave me the strength to finally complete this project, and I just wanted to share this with you...whoever you are.