I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Time...

My little drummer boy

Zac and Evan's Christmas tree ornaments

Zac, Ethan, Jack, Whisper and Evan's stockings

Christmas time again.  
It has been just over three years that we found out we lost Jack and Ethan.  Weeks before Christmas.
This is our second Christmas without Zac beside his twin brother.
And the ache will always remain.  How could it not?!  Four of our five children will not be opening presents or sneaking through their stockings.  They are not here for family gatherings or pictures with Santa.  

But...they ARE here.  They are here because we carry them in our hearts and memories.  They are here because we love them.  They are here because we are not afraid to allow them to remain a part of our Christmas traditions we are creating.  They will always be here with us.  And one day we will be with them singing heavenly Christmas carols and praising and rejoicing in gift given through the birth of Jesus.  We will be together again because a precious baby boy entered this world to grow up among us and walk among us...and to represent himself to and through us.  
How greatful I am for that gift.  How honored I am that through His life I am given eternal life with Him and with all our children and all His children.

I will say that this season hasn't been filled with JUST the ache of our missing children.  It has been another new year of experiences and memories and laughter and learning and humble gratitude of the gift of our own son...our precious Evan.
This little boy...growing so quickly it takes my breath away...is more gift than I could ever ask for.
We have been having so much fun with new adventures.  Our latest...Evan helping me with my shortbread cookies.  He was my official "sprinkle helper".  Yes...mounds of sprinkles ended up on each cookie...but what a precious memory.

Then tonight I called our home line from my cell and got Evan to answer it.  I started laughing in the "ho ho ho" Santa laugh...as deep as I could get my voice to go.  And I spent a good 5 minutes talking to Evan from my closet and watching him as he was talking "to" Santa and telling him all sorts of things.  It was HILARIOUS!

My little boy is growing so fast.  And all I want to do is cling to every single moment with all I have.  I don't want to miss a second.  I don't want to blink...because it just goes so fast!

He is my treasure.  My joy.  My smile.  My laughter.  He is my heart and my soul.
I have so many hopes, dreams and prayers for him and his life.  I see the strength he possesses, the wisdom he carries, the determination and strong-will nature he holds.  His goofy personality that loves to laugh and make others laugh.  And I just pray that he will always know how much I love him.  How proud I am of him.  How much I pray that his strength never feels defeat.  That his wisdom never wavers.  That his determination and strong-willed nature will never take a beating.  That he will never forget to laugh.  That life will never take that from him.  And that he will always encourage those around him to laugh as well.  That he will be a leader with a kind and gentle heart.  That he will be accepting without compromising his beliefs and faith.

These are the gifts I pray for him this Christmas season.  The gifts that can't be wrapped and taped.  The gifts that truly count and matter.

He is my gift.  All my children are such a blessing and such a gift to me!  So when I am asked what I've asked Brett to get me for Christmas...what could I possibly want that could fill me the way the gift of our children have filled me!  
And for the gift of that precious baby Jesus...who carries us through our lives!

Praying for Christmas blessings, and for a New Year filled with only the love and joy and support He can provide!

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