The adventures of chicken...

Today I made some fresh chicken puree for Evan and gave it a try!! Well, not me personally, however it didn't look half bad!!

Evan was a bit surprised at first I think. But after the flavor started to work its way in his mouth, he was quite happy! Initially it was a bit thicker and he had to do a bit of chewing motion, but then I added some liquid and that seemed a bit better. Unfortunately this is more grainy...so when he goes to rub it all over his face, in his eyes and up his nose...a bit different from the rice cereal!! hee hee hee. I had to have a cloth by me the whole time!

In the next 4 or 5 days I will introduce another form of meat...maybe beef. It's getting fun with starting this!

I think it's time to invest in a high chair though so the poor child doesn't have to sit amongst my paperwork and whatnot on the table!! Or here is an idea for myself...CLEAN OFF THE TABLE and KEEP it clean!! Good grief!!

More pics

Hangin' with my cousin

Watching the game with my uncle and my cousin

My first Rider's tee that daddy bought me...I'm pretty sure they won because I wore this!!

Me and mommy

Just a few more pics to share.

Photos

Our family. Brett, me, Evan, Bailey (with Brett) and Tag (with me).

Me and Evan :)

Chillin' on the couch!

Happy boy Evan!

Just a few photos from today. We still haven't had proper family pics done, but this will do for now.

Update on Evan

My friend Grace sent Evan the most awesome outfits from Scotland. This is one of them. I LOVE how it is spelled mUmmy!!!!! Ignore the clutter around the back of Evan!! I was working on our company GST remittance!!

Another one of the outfits from Grace. LOVE the hat, and the pj's are soooo cozy!! Thank you thank you Grace!!

Evan playing around in his exersaucer.

Dressing up Zac's gravesite. There are a few other of the childrens graves with this same scare crow! I needed a taller marker for when it snows, and with the other childrens graves dressed up like this it almost makes it more peaceful when visiting knowing other parents do the same thing.

On the 28th of this month Evan will be 5 months (corrected age). On Monday Evan had his regular visit at the Kinsmen Childrens Center for his Alvin Buckwold Development Program. We had extra appointments for this one meeting additionally with a speech/language therapist and the pediatrician there. Evan's OT and Physio are still very pleased with Evan's development, but have told us that they discourage the use of jolly jumpers and exersaucers because it is hard on little ones developing hip bones and muscles. It can promote stiffening of the muscles because they are on tippy toes. Ummmmmm, I was totally bummed about that because those are the two things in my living room and Evan LOOOOOOVES both of them. He never stays in them long, but he has a riot when he gets to. I will still allow him the odd play session. His OT did say that 5 minutes here and there won't hurt. So 5 minutes it is!!

Evan was weighed and measured there too before seeing the pediatrician. As of October 19th Evan weighs 15lbs 1 3/4ounces and is 25 1/2 inches (64cms) long. He is in the 25th percentile for height/weight and head circumferance. The pediatrician was very happy with Evan and said we have a "very delightful boy". I agree! ;)

The speech/language therapist just watched Evan's interaction and watched his mouth/tongue movements and then I gave Evan a bottle and she watched how he drank. She too was very pleased with things and said she has no concerns. Of course Evan wasn't doing his crazy jabber talk because all his appointments started right when he should have been going down for his nap! He totally missed his morning nap and that just threw him off all day. Poor little guy! But he did really good! He was a trooper! So overall, Evan is meeting all his milestone development marks and doing great.

Evan's new favorite thing to do is get his toes in his mouth. Today my mom watched him while I was out at an appointment and she said that he got his big toe in his mouth and just started sucking on it like crazy! Now THAT is new!! Too funny!! I'll REALLY have to keep his feet clean now!! He always has toe-jammers from his socks, and since he can get them off and toes in the mouth...ugh...I don't want him with a mouth full of sock fuzz!

We will all be getting the H1N1 and flu vaccine in our house this year for Evan's sake. Evan will also be vaccinated for RSV in November. With this being his first season of cold/flu/RSV and now H1N1 we have to be very very cautious! The key is keeping Evan healthy :)

Anyhow, that's the latest update. Evan is forever our sunshine and our little clown with a constant smile on his face :) He is awesome!!

Lighting of the candles...pregnancy and infant loss rememberance

Candles lit in rememberance of others children lost...

Rembembering our angels...

One little candle for our three angels...the large one in rememberance of others precious angels!

Tonight I lit my candles at 7pm for an hour. Evan was in bed sleeping, Brett was out working. I shut off the TV, turned off my lights and just sat and said a prayer for each of my three babies in heaven...for my sisters in heaven (yes, I have twin sisters in heaven!), for my dear friends angels that play in the streets of heaven. Yes, some tears fell, but for the first time in a long time...I felt almost at peace. No, the sadness is not gone and I'm sure it will never be gone. But tonight I allowed myself to wrap myself in the knowledge that I am not alone in missing my babies.

To each of you who have had to say goodbye to your angels all too soon...I am thinking of you, and resting in the knowledge that our babies are together in a much better place, waiting for us. Oh the stories I'm sure they will have to share, and the excitement as they show us around our heavenly home!! I rest in the knowledge that our children are together, and they are not hurting one day. And they are wanting us to know that it is okay to move forward and to smile again! We will forever have holes in our hearts and in the family portraits where our little ones should have been...but they are with us where it matters most...in our hearts.

To my Zac, Ethan and Jack...I love you dearly, and we miss you. Watch over your little brother!

xoxoxo Mommy xoxoxo

Pregnancy loss and Infant death Rememberance Day...October 15th

So today is pregnancy/infant loss rememberance day. At 7pm (whatever that is in your own time zone) people who have experienced these losses will light candles for their angel(s) that left this earth all too soon. For myself I will be lighting three candles tonight. Two for our identical twins that we lost December '07, and one for my sweet little Zac. Mommy misses each of you, and will hold you forever in my heart until I can one day hold you again in my arms in heaven! xoxoxo

Once again...

Wow, these days sure don't get easier. I really don't like the 9th of each month. Emotions choke me and make me feel like I can't breathe, tears flow at the strangest...yet most frequent of times. When the hour that Zac took his final breath hits I ache all over. I miss my little boy. I find as Evan hits all these milestones and is playing and rolling around on the floor I find myself wondering what the boys would have been like together. I know they would have been crazy! If Zac would have been as active as Evan is...they would have been WWF wrestling already. And now with Evan teething I can picture the boys chewing on each other and just being these wet balls of chubby babies! That thought put a smile on my face. My heart aches though. Today I started packing away my maternity clothes and I'm finding it SUPER emotional! I missed out on almost 3 months worth of being able to wear these clothes that I've waited almost 8 years to wear, and I'm packing them away far beyond what should have been. But, I can't keep them hanging in my closet forever. I've even found myself hoping that one day I will be so fortunate as to get to wear them again...but as we all know...I'm not the one in control of that so there is no point in even day dreaming about that right now. I just didn't think that clothes would make me so emotional! I'm finding myself getting anxious with winter coming on because I'm scared I won't be able to find Zac's grave plaque. I think I'll go get a taller marker so that I will know where it is. On another note, Evan is doing great. Growing taller it seems!! At his last couple of weigh-ins he has only been gaining a 1/2 ounce a day vs. his regular 1 ounce a day. The first time I saw that I absolutely went in to panic mode and actually started crying from the paranoia. I know that a 1/2 ounce a day is STILL in normal gaining ranges, but for Evan it hasn't been. The past week he was really fussy with his feeds and he hasn't been eating as much from his supplemented bottle feeds...but I think it's because I'm now using just basically the formula instead of mixing it half and half with my milk. So it's thicker and more filling to him. PLUS he's started with the rice cereal. PLUS he's teething. But when you are a NICU preemie mom...these things freak you out. I wish there were a manual of what to expect and when not to freak out! However, he is still my happy, content, gorgeous little boy!!! Just when you think you couldn't love him more...you do!! I'm enjoying every moment with him...however I've got to stop letting my fears of waiting for the floor to get pulled from under me controlling me because those fears are stealing moments of joy. I'm just nervous for his first flu/cold/rsv and now H1N1 season. UGH!!! But we are going to be pretty house bound this time so I'm hoping we will avoid any illness, or anything major anyhow! Yesterday when the snowflakes started to fall I had to smile, because when it snows those big fluffy soft slow snowflakes I always feel like I'm in a snow globe!! However, this year has added the feeling of my world occassionally being shaken like mad like a snow globe to get the pretty fluff! Well, I suppose I should get back to trying to get through my task of laundry, but I also hear Evan waking up MUCH too soon from his nap!