You know how you have that one staple meal on your menu that you know everyone enjoys and it's quick and easy and pleasing to everyone's palates? Your "fall back" meal so to speak. And time to time you forget about it, and then when you find that recipe in your pile of recipes it just makes you smile because you know it's going to be a winner?!
I don't mean to be disrespectful to this bible verse in any way. Don't get me wrong.
But today I purchased a ring with this verse engraved around it. When I saw the ring, and the verse...I smiled. I have always clung to this verse, but I realized quickly that I have "shelved" it for a while...until tonight when I was brought face to face with it in ring form.
As soon as I paid for it, it was on my finger. The perfect reminder of how easily and quickly I try to "take over" God's plans and "figure it out" on my own. Like I could REALLY do a better job than GOD?! Seriously Heather, come on!!
Lately we have been faced with tough decisions. Decisions that have really caused battle in my mind between what I was doing in MY will versus GOD'S will. Decisions that you make in love and in the best interest of current life circumstances. But always in the back of the mind the enemy whispers "did you really make the right decision? Are you sure?"
Stinkin' devil!! He knows my weakness. Knows where to strike. Knows where I struggle.
You'd think I'd steal re-inforce these areas in my life by now...and yet...I still struggle.
I struggle with self doubt, self inflicted guilt, second guessing myself. I struggle.
But this verse could not be MORE TRUE! God has always had His plan for me laid out. He wants me to prosper. He does NOT want to harm me. He wants me to have hope and a future.
He is not out to "get me" or cause me pain.
Pain will come, but I know it is in those times where I need to just crawl on up in to those heavenly Father arms and cling on like a little child. And know that He is there to wipe my tears, to calm my mind, to soothe my soul...to give me hope in my future.
Life is changing. Parts of our journey are coming to a close, and other parts are just beginning. I know that I am going to have to re-learn who I am and take steps to fulfill my purpose in this new journey.
But it's bitter-sweet. And so uncertain.
I watched 19 Kids and Counting last night. I had PVR'ed it because it was the episode where the Duggar's experience the death of their sweet baby in utero. And I knew I was going to need to be alone to watch this. Our first loss was similar, however I was earlier in my pregnancy than Michelle Duggar. But the pain, the look of shock when she heard the technician say "I am so sorry..."
That was an INSTANT flashback to our miscarriage of our first identical twins.
But Michelle said something later in the episode as tears ran down her face how we are so lucky that we do not have the way of knowing the future, and how it is a good thing, because we would always be awaiting certain fears and we would never be able to enjoy life as it is. That we were never intended to know our future, and how lucky for that because those same fears would stop us from ever trying. From learning. And what would we miss out in those times because of those fears.
Brett said something similar to me a few days ago. That had we lived life in the "what if" and in fear (concerning children and the path we have been led to take in order to try to achieve that dream), look at what we would have missed out on because of those fears and not being brave to try and do all we could.
It's true. Fear is a killer. A killer of dreams, a killer of possibilities, a killer of hope, a killer of what life and what God has in store for each of us.
I struggle with fear. I do. And I struggle with worry. Admittedly.
And I know those are not of God, and I know that the enemy does a happy dance when my head is in the toilet because I'm so worked up in my fear and worry that I can't keep anything in my stomach.
Yes...that's how bad I can get.
And why do I allow the enemy to win? Why do I fear? My fears have been a hinderance in some areas of life, and in others I have fought through...and look at the blessings we have been granted.
So the challenge is to truly believe that our loving God DOES know His plan for us. That He WILL allow us to prosper and will protect us. That we CAN and DO have hope and a future.
If we will just fight the fear, and put our trust in HIM!
As always...music. Music, the salve to my soul.
Again, from the CD Passion - Here For You...
Lord, I Need You
Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart
Lord I need You, Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay
What's YOUR cling to verse that restores your soul in times of trouble?
Blessing to you all!!