OH WHAT A DAY!!!!!

Just after lunch today! My first day in a sleeper!!! My isolette temperature is down! I was enjoying a nice big yawn!!!

My first bottle feed with mom today!!!! But second bottle feed of the day!

Mommy giving me my bottle!!!

OK, so as you can see, we had a BIG day today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went this morning for rounds and got there early so I could hang out with Evan...but these changes hadn't occured yet!

When they got to Evan it was after 9am and his nurse was giving the breakdown of where things were at with Evan. Then she said "I bottle fed him this morning at 9am and he took 17mls of the 25mls with no problems". My mouth DROPPED and tears ran down my face...GOOD tears, and goose bumps sprang up. That meant that Evan had his first ever bottle while I was there, but I didn't get to see it. That's okay...I was just SO HAPPY to hear that this was happening!

They all laughed at me because I was all weepy. But they get it!

THEN after I returned after lunch I walked in to Evan's isolette and just about dropped once again! Evan was in a sleeper for the first time ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His nurse started laughing and said "get some kleenex for Heather". I was almost out of my skin with joy!!!! This means Evan's isolette temperature is down now and the sleeper is step towards him getting in to an open isolette!! WOW, when things happen they happen pretty fast!! I couldn't believe all that was happening!

Then for Evan's 3pm feed I got to give him his bottle!!!!!! I had been holding him since about 1:30pm and by 2:40pm he was rooting around and fussing because he was hungry. Of course when it was finally time to eat he was out of it again! But we tried. He took 10mls of the 25mls. This is apparently a normal situation with them beginning to bottle feed. He is still given the remainder of his feeds by gavage, and not every feed will be bottle right off the bat. They can tire out. So they will alternate for the first while. This is all a beginning step to getting him to exclusive bottle and then breast feeding. CRAZY!!!!!

I'm looking forward to Brett coming tonight to see his son!!! I THINK he might be able to try bottle feed him for his 9pm feed. I believe that was mine and the nurses goal.

Again...another bitter-sweet day. As much as I was soaring from the joy...there was the now familiar twinge of sorrow missing our little Zac and what his milestones SHOULD have been! It breaks my heart. It will always break my heart.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I appreciate this verse, but I struggle with why we had to be so crushed in the loss of Zac. What was the purpose? OK, I get that my blog has been a witness...and I hope it will continue to be. And Zac's fight was a witness. But why couldn't he have proven to be so much more of a miracle than he already was/is?! Why did his witness have to include his life being cut so short so soon? I just don't get it. But, I just pray with all my heart that his life truly WAS and that our story will CONTINUE to be a witness. I am bruised and weak in faith/spirit right now...but I am not shutting God out. No matter what...He is good.