Just a picture day

This one is for you Adam and Krista! Evan heard his first Easter story yesterday!!

A tubeless moment after bath time and snuggles with dad. Ahhhh, it's so nice to catch a glimpse of a tubeless Evan!!! He's blowing kissing to everyone! :)

This one is bitter-sweet....our family. It's hard not having Zac in our arms.

Snuggle time with Daddy!

Me and my mommy!

EVAN IS 5 WEEKS OLD as of last night!! Wow...time is flying!!

Well, I don't really have much to talk about today...yet. I'm trying to finish a GST remittance for Brett's company, and I'm TOTALLY procrastinating!!!!! Stupid thing is, it's all organized...I just have to type it all in to my spreadsheet. Why can some things be so hard to motivate yourself for?!

Yesterday Brett hung out at the hospital with me and Evan. We were there for about 4 hours. Evan heard his first Easter story. One of the nurses told me about these pillow speakers/ear phones that I could put in Evan's isolette with a little tape recorder with our voices for him to listen to!!! I totally want to track that down!!! I love reading to Evan. And yesterday was the first day where he was really focusing on me and my voice...it was AWESOME!

Evan seemed much better yesterday. But during a snuggle with me he got super mad and kept holding his breath...poor little guy hasn't had a poop for a while since being off his feeds. And his tummy was really bothering him. So he got the ol' suppository. Lets just say once that thing kicked in our boy was MUCH more happy and content!! Poor kid!!!!

Brett gave him his sponge bath last night...and I got the explosive diaper :) Too funny! Brett got to snuggle with Evan too, which is so awesome to watch! The pictures of us I took myself. It's fun to try to get a decent picture when you are doing it yourself.

Evan's potassium levels were back to normal and so far he hasn't needed a blood transfusion for what they thought may have been a bit of anemia. Thank God for that! But if he had needed that, it's ok. We understand these little guys aren't able to replenish blood that easily, so this would have been just for a "pick-me-up." Evan is getting another xray today to check his tummy/bowels once more to see if things are still on the mend. We are praying for a perfect xray so that he can soon start up his feeds again. He is starting to realize that something is missing! Earlier in the day Evan was quite mucousy and when he would cough he sounded like a baby seal! It was sad!! I thought maybe he was getting a cold, but when the nurse listened to his chest everything was clear. Another nurse said he sounded like there was something caught in his throat. Maybe all the mucous was building up. They suctioned him out a couple of times, mouth/throat and nose, and that seemed to help. Or maybe he'll just have an odd cough like his mommy can get! I'm just praying that it was just from his phlem build up!

It's strange to have it be Easter and not be pregnant, or have Evan...and Zac with us. Life is hard to understand. I pictured Easter so much differently before this all happened. I'm sooooo happy to have Evan with us...but I miss Zac so much and feel so cheated out of a life with Zac, and cheated for Evan...his partner is no longer here with him. I was thinking yesterday of watching Evan playing alone, going to school alone, playing sports without his brother. It breaks my heart seeing that gap for Evan. It's hard to face these things. Yet it's hard not to be over-flowing with joy with Evan. And we should be overflowing. Evan is a true miracle and gift. Knowing that we could have lost him too...now having him in our lives...we couldn't picture life without him! The joy of Evan will never replace or fix the sorrow of Zac, but the joy of Evan is what we live in now. Zac will never come back to us...but one day we will go to Zac, and we will be together again. All of us!

Well, I suppose I should get back to my GST remittance and just get it out of my hair already! And then we will be heading up to see our boy! My favorite time of day!! I got the report from Evan's night nurse that he had a really good night and was very settled. I like those reports. But it's always even better when I get to see him!!

Happy Easter everyone!