April 20, 2009...one year ago with Evan...

Our little bean contemplating the days events!

44 days after having Zac and Evan...I finally got to feed Evan with a bottle for the first time (his second bottle of the day)

Evan's isolette temperature decreasing...steps closer to an open basinette!

44 days after Evan's arrival...he FINALLY gets to wear CLOTHES!!! My heart just burst at how cute he looked, and how HUGE everything was on him!!! Later that evening, daddy got a turn giving Evan a bottle!!

It's hard to believe how fast time is going. Hard to believe that this tiny tiny little boy is getting to be so "big"!! Life just moves way too quickly!

What a day today was one year ago!!! When I got to the hospital that day I learned that Evan had been given his first ever bottle!!! At first I was just sooooooooo shocked and excited, but then I felt a little disappointed that I didn't get to be there. BUT, the nurses said that usually when they start to introduce the bottle (they introduce that first before nursing) the babies tend to gag and "choke" a bit because this is such a new concept for them, and they aren't used to sucking and swallowing at the same time. Understand, Evan still wasn't at his full term gestational age here...so technically inside of me he'd be figuring out the suck/swallow of fluids.

So I let go of the disappointment and jealousy and bathed in the awesomeness of Evan hitting this milestone!

Later that day I got my turn to give him a bottle...and it was amazing! He had always been getting my milk for his gavage feedings since his birth, but it was cool to watch him drink it down with such enthusiasm from a bottle. They added a powdered form of calories to his feeds to in order to help with his calorie intake and beefing him up.

It was always such a sad feeling for me that here I was after aaaall these years of dreaming of a child and nursing my sons, I was forever attached to a pump and no baby in my house. Just the sound of that blasted pump and my dogs staring at me. But I've never been more dedicated to something so opposite of what I dreamed of. It was never how I imagined things. And that part will always feel a bit sad to me. EXCEPT I was VERY lucky to be able to produce milk for Evan for so long until he weaned himself!! Lots of NICU mommies don't get the opportunity to ever nurse their baby for various reasons. So even though I never dreamed things this way, I felt very fortunate.

THEN later that day when I returned after having some lunch I was standing there by Evan's isolette staring at him and his nurse finally said to me "don't you notice anything different Heather?" OOOOOHHHHH MY GOODNESS!!!! HOW could I have not noticed??!! Evan was in a SLEEPER for the first time in 44 days!!!!!!!!!!!! My son was finally CLOTHED!!!!

His nurse just laughed at me!! But I was just so intent on looking at his precious face that I didn't even realize! Aaaaand, truth be told...I was THAT exhausted! 44 days of running on empty and worry and grief and joy and ups and downs and infection from my c-section...on and on.

AAAAAND his isolette temperature was lowered a bit more that day too!!!! All the steps to working towards him being able to go to an open basinette! So many steps to get to that day. But being able to hold his own body temperature without the assistance of the heat from the isolette meant he was that much closer!!

From the beginning I started a journal of each day specifically for Evan. I would write about the events, and the milestones and the set backs. I would share my heart with him and just tell him how much I love him. On that day, this was my entry...

"Mon. Apr. 20/09

OH WOW EVAN, did you ever have a big day! I went for rounds early and hung out with you. Then got called in when it was your turn. Your nurse Chrystal said SHE GAVE YOU A BOTTLE at 9am, and you did GREAT!! Drank 17 of the 25mls! I got very teary and my mouth dropped! I was SO happy! Then after lunch I got back and when I saw you, you were in a SLEEPER!!! I just about fell over I was so thrilled! Your isolette temp is at 29.4 degrees. Then I got to give you a bottle at 3pm. You took 10mls before falling to sleep so we gavaged the rest again.

Now dad and I are heading up to see you! Daddy gave you your bottle tonight! It was fun to watch!"

I am so glad I did that journal. But that's me...I love to write and journal. And I hope one day Evan will have fun reading through the start of his life. I imagine it could be tough to read, but I hope that he will see the same thing we saw every day...a miracle.

Anyhow, I just wanted to share this with you all. My heart is just full of awe and wonder all over again thinking back to that day! Wow.

On another note...PLEASE keep praying that the right person/family will come along and that our house will SELL SELL SELL. It is getting a bit stressful for me!! Fingers crossed!!

And keep praying for my mom. She is on the mend, but still feeling weak and tired.

Thanks everyone.