Saturday, March 14, 2009
Hours till Zac's funeral...
Oh wow, I just don't know how to even face this day. Up until last night I was able to "pretend" it still wasn't real. Somehow trying to guard myself from the painful reality of today. But last night it hit...today we say our final goodbye to our little one. And I ache beyond any human emotion of pain.
We know today will be the hardest day of our lives, but we feel confident that Zac's precious little life will be appreciated by many. He touched many people without ever speaking a word.
God used this little fighter boy to spread goodness and hope and faith. And I will cling to that.
I cling to God for the strength I will need to enter that church. To face that tiny casket. I want to be angry at God...but I'm not. I can't. He is the one entrusted to loving and caring for Zac now until we can be together again...so I will try to accept that.
I spent 10 hours by Evan's side yesterday. I just couldn't be away from him for a moment. The fears of what we have experienced with Zac are starting to over take me with fears that something could happen to Evan. I found myself so on edge yesterday. Normally I don't obsess about watching his monitors, but yesterday I couldn't stop. I would just sit there and stare and this amazing little boy of ours. Begging and pleading for God's protection over his little life.
Please pray for me that I will not become paralyzed in fear, but will be able to enjoy watching Evan grow stronger each day. I don't think I will be settled until the day we bring him home.
To everyone who has supported me...I thank you. My blogging days are not over...they are yet to continue. The story and the journey are not yet over...just a new chapter.
Well, I must go and force myself to prepare for the service. Part of me just wants to remain in this chair and just pretend that this hasn't happened. Pretend that when I go to see Evan today I will see Zac too. Oh how cruel the mind can be. But I will honor Zac today, and I will find the strength to carry on. I have two amazing purposes...my husband, and our son Evan!!
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Praying for your strength today.
ReplyDelete-EmilyBatt
Dear Heavenly Father,
ReplyDeletePlease be with Heather and Brett today as they face the reality of Zac's funeral. Please hold them in the palm of your hand and draw them close to you. Please help them to grieve honestly, and to work through their emotions in time. Please allow the Holy Spirit to breathe a sense of peace into their souls, and allow them to know that Zac is happy in his new heavenly home with his brothers that have gone before him. Help the doctors and nurses that are working with Evan to know just what to do to help him, and help Heather and Brett to get some sleep, so that they can help Evan too. Please send your angels to watch over Evan and protect him, and also to comfort Heather as she strains not to worry about Evan. Please be with Zac's family, and friends of family today as he is celebrated as the fighter and hero that he truly was in his short lifetime. Help us all to be thankful for the many blessings that we have - and to treasure each moment while we are in it.
Matthew 11:28-30
In Jesus's Name I Pray,
Amen.
Praying for you all today! This day will be so hard...thinking of you often!
ReplyDeleteDear Heather,
ReplyDeleteWe've never met, but my name is Kendall and I am a friend of Cherie's. She sent me the link to your blog and I am reading it with tears flowing down my cheeks.
Zac is beautiful - and I hurt from the depths of my soul for you. We held our little girl and said goodbye about a year-and-a-half ago... and seeing your pictures has brought the bittersweet remembrance rushing back. Her funeral was one of the hardest days of my life: but the Lord used it in a mighty way to show Himself as a great comforter in the midst of heartbreaking sorrow.
My husband and I have been praying for you since Cherie first requested prayer for you and your two little guys all those weeks ago. We continue to do so...
With a hug,
kendall