I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord
Psalm 27: 13-14

Saturday, March 21, 2009

March 21/09 - Prayer request for Evan...

Well, I did my usual call at 6:30am to speak with Evan's night nurse to see how he did through the night. I guess he had a couple of pretty bad Brady's and is back on his high pressure air with the nasal prongs. It's still a low dose and mainly room air that he is breathing and she said that he has been fine since. Just not quite ready to give it up completely. I admit that this breaks my heart. It's still not a massive set-back, and I'd rather this than him struggle. But please pray that Evan's little capillaries in his lungs will widen and open fully so that he does not have to struggle without the air. The only bummer with the air is that it can make his tummy more gassy and he can occassionally struggle with feeds. But his nurse said his feeds were fine through the night. Also, he doesn't really enjoy the stuff on his face and we find that he gets even more squirmy. He needs to try to be calm because he burns more calories than he saves when he does this. He is naturally a mover...so we don't want him to be more uncomfortable. I HATE not being with him!!! This is driving me insane. I should be able to care for him and protect him. And these little hiccups just remind me that my body failed my boys for some reason. I know I did nothing to cause my water to break with Zac...but it feels like I did. It feels like I should have been able to protect my boys better...and I couldn't. And Zac suffered for that. And now Evan has to fight even harder when he should have been carefree kicking and punching in my tummy still. They both should have been. Please pray that I will be able to forgive myself. I know it might sound irrational to you...but I feel so guilty. I know my hormones and grief and worry are making me a tad on edge...but I need prayers for peace of mind. thank you all for staying connected with this blog. I know there will be many prayer requests made! And many good times and bumps to share. And still oh so many thoughts!!


  1. Praying for Evan.

    Praying also for you. It may seem irrational to some, but I understand the guilt that comes when you feel that your body has failed to protect your child.

  2. Ah, the blame game. It stinks! I still feel guilty for my many losses...it is beyond hard to watch your child struggle. We are praying for Evan and his growth daily! I know that you KNOW that you are not to blame for what has happened- but I also know that you don't feel that way either. And I know that no matter how many times we all tell you that you are not to blame..you will still feel that way. Praying that Jehovah will bring great peace upon your heart...for guilt is yet another huge stress on top of everything else! You don't need that right now (or ever) Hang in there sweetie! you are such an awesome mommy! I bet Evan just fills with joy every time he hears your voice. HUGS

  3. We are continuing to pray for Evan here in Georgia. I am praying for you, too, Heather. I am praying for peace and protection for your entire family.

    Psalm 34:17-19

    "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.

    The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

    Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out of them all."

    ~Kristina in GA~