March 21/09 - Prayer request for Evan...

Well, I did my usual call at 6:30am to speak with Evan's night nurse to see how he did through the night. I guess he had a couple of pretty bad Brady's and is back on his high pressure air with the nasal prongs. It's still a low dose and mainly room air that he is breathing and she said that he has been fine since. Just not quite ready to give it up completely. I admit that this breaks my heart. It's still not a massive set-back, and I'd rather this than him struggle. But please pray that Evan's little capillaries in his lungs will widen and open fully so that he does not have to struggle without the air. The only bummer with the air is that it can make his tummy more gassy and he can occassionally struggle with feeds. But his nurse said his feeds were fine through the night. Also, he doesn't really enjoy the stuff on his face and we find that he gets even more squirmy. He needs to try to be calm because he burns more calories than he saves when he does this. He is naturally a mover...so we don't want him to be more uncomfortable. I HATE not being with him!!! This is driving me insane. I should be able to care for him and protect him. And these little hiccups just remind me that my body failed my boys for some reason. I know I did nothing to cause my water to break with Zac...but it feels like I did. It feels like I should have been able to protect my boys better...and I couldn't. And Zac suffered for that. And now Evan has to fight even harder when he should have been carefree kicking and punching in my tummy still. They both should have been. Please pray that I will be able to forgive myself. I know it might sound irrational to you...but I feel so guilty. I know my hormones and grief and worry are making me a tad on edge...but I need prayers for peace of mind. thank you all for staying connected with this blog. I know there will be many prayer requests made! And many good times and bumps to share. And still oh so many thoughts!!