Monday, March 2, 2009
Mon, Mar 2 '09 - Oh the things I learn!!
OK first of all...sorry, I haven't updated for a few days! On Saturday and Sunday I went home on day passes so I spent my time with Brett and our dogs! It was GREAT!! But being home brings this twinge of sadness realizing all that Brett and I are missing out on this pregnancy together. I'm not home, we see each other for a couple of hours in the evening...it's just not how I dreamed it would be. So when I have to leave to come back to the hospital, there is a sadness. Even though there is also a strange sense of peace knowing I am where I have to be for the safety of our sons! It's very bitter-sweet. Yesterday we went to Fuddruckers with my parents. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH YUUUUUMMMMMMM!!! Do I love my Fudd's burger!!!! I polished off (with great ease I might add) my burger, fries and then topped it off with a piece of chocolate pie. It was great!! I MISS REAL FOOD!!!!! I'm so grateful for those who have brought up meals and to Brett and to my parents who bring me actual food! There's no way I could fatten up these boys on what I'm given here! UGH! Then this morning I had a nice surprise visit and was brought Fudd's cookies and a cinnamon bun! Thanks TK!!! You made my day!!!! But I have to wait until tonight and then I'll share the cinnamon bun with Brett! He loves those things! This morning I was greeted by the res OB that I thought I wouldn't be seeing anymore. Dr. D is back. It's tough because I really don't understand what part he plays in all this, and I guess it's because now he is training to specialize in this area...but I really don't want to discuss things with him. I don't feel like he is a part of the plan with MY OB and my sons! So I just let him do his thing and then I wait to see MY wonderful OB to ask my questions or talk about things with. Although this morning he did say how glad he was to still see me here. So that was nice. Today Dr. Martel told me the wonderful news that she has ordered my second round of steroid shots to begin tomorrow!!! I am THRILLED by this news!!!!! I knew it was going to be this week, but knowing it's tomorrow and Wednesday that I'll get the shots just made me smile! Who knew I'd actually look forward to a needle in my muscle!! Tomorrow is also ultra sound day. I guess it is going to be each Tuesday since that seems to be how they have been going. Once a week. Tomorrow we get to find out how much the boys have gained in the past 2 weeks. We aren't expecting Superman growth...but I'm hoping that all these Blizzards are paying off!! So I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. OK...so now on to my topic title on the things I learn. Today during my NST the contraction monitoring number went way up for a while but then was gone. It only happened once about 3/4's of the way through. Now...I always thought that is was just picking up the boys stretching. This goes to show how niave and completely unaware of things I am. I asked the nurse about it and she explained that those are Braxton Hicks contractions. Well REALLY!!! I never knew what those felt like or really anything about them. Heard people talk about them, but did not associate it to what I was experiencing! I because I don't feel them all the time, I thought it was something of no importance. She explained how it is the uterus's way of "keeping in shape" for the big day because the muscle isn't used the same way as before pregnancy. She said they can be short or long and aren't painful. Well, sure enough now I once again know what I've been feeling off and on. Not true contractions, but Braxton Hicks. I only get them a few times a day if that, but I honestly thought it was just the boys stretching! I'm learning lots on how to interpret these NST tests! It's kinda fun! But once again the boys passed today with flying colors! THAT'S MY BOYS!!!! Keep it going!! Today I also got an email from a friend of mine who reminded me of a poem I had posted on my facebook a while back after the loss of our first twins. It was a poem that really hit home to me, and I HAVE to share it with you all. THE WEAVER - Author Unknown My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me; I can not choose the colors He worketh steadily. Oft times He weaveth sorrow And I, in foolish pride, forget He sees the upper, And I the underside. Not till the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly, Shall God unroll the canvas And explain the reason why. The dark threads are as needful In the Weaver's skillful hand, As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned. He knows, He loves, He cares, Nothing this truth can dim. He give His very best to those Who leave the choice with Him. This poem wrapped me up in just a few paragraphs. It was everything I was feeling and going through during such a painful time in our lives. And now here we are again...the Lord weaving His plan...and me needing to just trust that the final tapestry will be beautiful. There is one other quote that became really important to me after we learned we were expecting twins again. It is a quote by Charles Spurgeon and says "Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength." Now as a person who deals with anxiety for as long as I can remember...this quote meant a lot to me because it gave me a bit of a wake up call. I have it printed and posted on my fridge at home. I'm excited about this week. Blown away by God's grace and goodness in our circumstance over the past 4+ weeks. Humbled that we have been granted this time of life...even though it isn't the way we hoped. And trusting that the end result will be a beautiful one...to finally look at and see the lives that God has blessed us to parent and raise. It seems crazy to think that in the near future we will be looking at our children. The thought is becoming more and more real. Well, that's about it for me today. My mom is coming to visit later this afternoon, and I'm looking forward to that. And then I get to see my awesome hubby. I anticipate his visits every day! I miss him!!!!!!!! OK...so I figure if you don't see a post from me for more than 3 days...chances are it means things are progressing and I'll post as soon as I can. But if it is quiet for a while after the boys are born...don't be surprised! I'll be healing from a c-section and every waking moment I will want to be by my boys side!! But I'll do my best to keep things up to date. We are glad for our troubles also. We know that troubles help us learn not to give up. When we have learned not to give up, it shows we have stood the test. When we have stood the test, it gives us hope. Hope never makes us ashamed because the love of God has come inton our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5