Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Well, on Monday morning we laid to rest for a final time our first born son. As we drove to the cemetery I couldn't believe we were doing this. Couldn't believe this was the ending for Zac's beautiful life. So angry that it couldn't have been different. And I just couldn't breathe. The thought that kept going through my mind was "this is so sick!" No parent should have to go through this. After waiting almost 8 years for these precious boys...to have been granted too few hours with Zac...it's just not fair. But...what part of life is? We got to Zac's burial site and when all the family had gathered Brett and I once again lifted our son's tiny casket and carried him to lay him to rest. I just wanted to scoop him up one last time and just cling to him...but I know he is not there. I know it is just the shell of his precious body. I know he is running around and playing with his siblings in heaven. I know he is not alone, and I know that he is healthy and happy. I just wish ...ah, you know...what's the point of wishing. It will never change things. But I guess that's just a parents heart. Wanting to be with their child again. And we will be one day. Our family rallied around us once more. Wow...what would we do without such amazing family? Thank you to each of you for standing in support with us. It has been many days of heart ache and sorrow and total confusion. The confusion is really hard. I am broken beyond broken over Zac, but I'm so full of love and joy with Evan. I know it is one step at a time and one day at a time. The aching will never leave...the memory of Zac will never depart. Well, I better sign off for now. My mom has come over to help me with a few things and then run a couple errands before we head to the hospital to see my precious beautiful Evan. I have lots to update you all on our little bean. He is carrying on his brothers fighting spirit!! I am so proud of him!! I just sit and stare at him literally all day! He is amazing!! Continue to pray for Evan. He still has weeks to go in NICU, and we continually pray that he will not experience any major set backs!!! Please pray protection, and health over our little miracle!! Stand with us in support in prayer. We thank you all, and stay tuned for updates on Evan!!