Sunday, Feb 15

OK, let me just say AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Yesterday was absolutely wonderful!!! Even though it's only 6 hours out of the hospital, my 6 hours at home were the BEST EVER!!!!! The second I stepped out of the doors of the hospital I just sucked in that fresh outside air!! It was GREAT!!!!! The drive home was wonderful seeing the outside world...now if only all the ruts on our street would disappear so the WHOLE way home was comfortable!! Anyone have any pull with the city or someone with a plow! hee hee hee. We drove up our drive way and I was already teary with joy. Walked through the door...saw my dogs, and burst in to tears!!!!! They were so funny! They were careful and almost cautious! I'm used to them being complete nuts when I come home. Those of you who know my dogs and have been greeted by the spazzy gretting know what I mean...but they were so calm!! They must know. I swear dogs know when they need to be more careful! I did a bit of paperwork just for my own peace of mind, and now it's out of the way so I know it's not looming and I have to try to explain to Brett to do. So that was great too! And then there was sitting in my glider chair once again!!!! Another AAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I just sat and rocked with the boys! Brett and I had dinner together and watched an Oilers hockey game. OK...now you KNOW I was just happy to be home! I never watch hockey, but I just didn't care what was on! But then 7:30 hit...and it was time to get ready to come back to the hospital. It was tough! But knowing that this is where the babies are safest made it a bit easier. Brett helps me to remember that all the time. Thank goodness for Brett's encouragement and reminders!! By the time I got back up to my room it suddenly dawned on me how tired I was even from that 6 hour escape! That was the most I've been on my feet in 2 weeks, so when we got back here I realized my back was really sore! Too funny!!!!! And I wasn't even walking around lots! But the boys are growing and there is a lot more weight on me than I'm used too, so it's hard to remember that sometimes! So today I'm just taking it easy at the hospital. I am planning to go home again tomorrow!! I probably won't get a chance to get back until Saturday so I hope to escape again tomorrow. OH, so lastnight I totally missed excitement on my ward!!!! While I was gone one of the nurses had to deliver a baby just a few doors down from me!!!!! It was one of my nurses, so she told us about it! CRAZY!!! The doctor had gotten there just as the babies head came out! So the nurse completed the delivery! Now THAT would have been wild to be around for! This baby wasn't waiting for anyone! But my nurse has delivered babies before. Funny how fast things can happen around here! Brett asked my nurse last night that when we go for my c-section...what happens with all my stuff? Who moves it to the next room? And she said "you are basically responsible for it". Brett just shook his head and said "I'll be throwing it all out the window!" So we've agreed that once we know we are off for the c-section, my parents are being called in to pack up all my stuff. This is the tricky part about one day at a time. You can't plan a thing! And there is a tad bit of stuff to move! But what can you expect...I've been here for 2 weeks and 2 days and the hope is to be here for many more...so I HAVE to have clothes and things to entertain myself with! But now that I can get out on day passes, I can kind of go through things and take home as needed because I'm not 100% stuck anymore. Anyhow, I'm feeling much more revived today, and feeling much more "up". I was starting to really struggle with fears and worries for the babies and it was getting to be too much. There is so much to think about, but I was starting to focus too much on the unknown and creating scenarios that I shouldn't have been. Now I need to focus my attention on staying calm for these boys and being the incubator they need. Brett gave me a good pep talk. He reminded me that instead of thinking of all the bad, start thinking one day at a time that "today their eyes are one day stronger. Today their hearts are one day stronger. Today their lungs are one day stronger" and on and on. That really helped me get my head and mind refocused on something more positive. Thank you my wonderful amazing husband!! You are a wise and strong man!!! What would I do without you!!! As helpless as I feel, I'm doing everything I can...even if that's just sitting here in this room. This is what I have to do to help our boys. So...I will do it!!!